


Light At The End Of The Tunnel

by Bow_of_Artemis



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, First Kiss, Getting Together, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Stan Bev, They're still young in this, bev is an angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 08:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bow_of_Artemis/pseuds/Bow_of_Artemis
Summary: Bev finds Richie crying in the clubhouse one afternoon after Bowers beats him up again and Richie can't take hiding anymore. This leads to some very important life changes.I wrote this during exams instead of studying so make it worth it.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 3
Kudos: 225





	Light At The End Of The Tunnel

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I've written in years so please be nice.

Richie Tozier was sitting curled up in the clubhouse corner with the last few droplets of blood dripping from his nose and tears leaking from his eyes. His eyes were red and swollen from crying and his upper lip and the back of his hand were caked in dried blood from an unsuccessful attempt to clean up his nose from where Henry Bowers punched him. He was lucky to have narrowly escaped with just a beat up nose this time. As each day passes, Bowers seems to get more and more psychotic and Richie fears for his life, being the main target of Bowers’ attacks ever since that day at the arcade. That stupid, stupid day where he was such an _idiot _that he hadn’t realised what he must have looked like. What he _was._ Bowers’ torments haunted him. “_Queer. Fairy. Pervert. Faggot.” _they repeated themselves over and over in his head. As hard as Richie tried to block them out, they would only scream louder. Because he was that disgusting little freak that Bowers thought he was. None of the other boys he knew felt that secret little shame of being in a changing room and feeling like he shouldn’t be there. Like it was wrong for him to be there. “_Queer. Fairy. Pervert. Faggot.” _None of the other boys cried when they looked at a sexy magazine because they just couldn’t see what was so special about girls and their curves and their tits. “_Queer. Fairy. Pervert. Faggot” _None of the other boys looked at their best friend and imagined kissing him and running away from the shit hole that is Derry, Maine, together. As a couple. “_Queer. Fairy. Pervert-”_

Richie was startled out of his waking nightmare by the sounds of feet creaking down the clubhouse ladder. His eyes shot up to see Bev making her way down. As soon as she noticed him, she called “Hey Richie” immediately followed by an “oh my god. Are you alright?!”. It was in this moment that Richie realised how terrible he must look to someone else. But I guess it reflected how he felt on the inside. Maybe he deserved to look like this so that nobody would even come close to the town freak. Bev was by his side in an instant asking him questions at a million miles a minute. “Are you okay? How much does it hurt? Is your nose broken? Can you still see alright? Do you need a doctor?” Richie smiles to himself and let out a little giggle. Bev stops talking and looks at him in confusion. “What?”

“It’s just- you’re sounding a lot like Eddie right now.” His voice was hoarse and croaky, worn out from crying. But Bev seemed to understand. She thought for a moment then said “Yeah, I guess I am. Sorry about that” with a little chuckle. Bev seemed to have decided that Richie looked a lot worse than his injuries actually were and chose instead to lay off him. She slides down the wall of the clubhouse and sits next to Richie, wrapping her arm around his shoulder, pulling him in close.

“Now” she says in a calm and caring tone after what she deemed to be enough waiting “will you please tell me what happened to happened to you”. Richie looks at her and slightly rolls his eyes.

“Who do ya think?” he says sarcastically.

“Bowers again? This isn’t even the first time this week! Why does he hate you so much?” she asked, the concern and confusion clear in her voice.

“He’s just jealous of my devilishly handsome looks and quick wit” Richie quips back in an attempt to get Bev off his case. Bev rolls her eyes, clearly seeing through Richie’s façade of joking to hide the truth.

“I’m serious Richie, why you? What did you do to him?” She asks, concerned.

“Why do you think I did something to him?” Richie retorts with an offended tone.

“You didn’t?” she seems genuinely surprised at this.

“Beverly, my darling, how dare you think so little of me that you think I would ever do something to provoke him. I am a man of class” Richie says easily slipping into a terrible posh British accent. This earns him a light shove from Bev.

“Richie I’m being serious. If you really didn’t do anything to him then why does he hate you so much?”

Richie drops the accent “he knows how to get to me” he mumbles with a shrug.

Bev sighed, clearly not satisfied with Richie’s explanation. “Richie people have said terrible things about you, but you never seem bothered. What so bad about whatever this is?” Bev’s really not going to let this go.

“It’s true” Richie eventually mumbles quietly, his voice slightly faltering. Even though he knows it’s true he still hates that he has to live with it. It’s not allowed to be true. Life would be so much easier for him if he were just _normal_.

“What’s true? Whatever it is you can tell me. You know I’ll always be here for you. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what it is”. Richie shakes his head fiercely. “Please?” Bev asks again and Richie sighs. Maybe he could tell Bev. She does really seem to love him. To care for him, for some reason that he can’t seem to figure out. And it would feel so good to have someone that he can trust. That he can confide in. There’s still a little voice in the back of his head calling out “_She’ll hate you. She’ll think you’re disgusting. Because you are. You’re a disgusting little pervert who deserves to die alone.”_ Richie tries his best to block out the sound of that little voice and gathers his courage. If he could fight a demon clown, then he could tell Bev this one thing. No matter how disgusting it makes him feel. Richie breaths in a deep breath to steady himself and to try to stop his heart from pounding so hard it sounds like there’s drums inside his brain. But the drums are drowning out those little voices. So maybe being a little scared isn’t such a bad thing. 

“You know how I always say I want to fuck Eddie’s mom?” Richie says after a moment of consideration. Bev looks at him incredulously.

“Richie, now’s not the time for jokes. I don’t see what that has to do with anything right now!” She has an edge to her voice, shifting away from the warm and mothering tone she took with him before. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe she was just pretending to care about him. No. This is Bev we’re talking about. Bev loves him and he loves her even if it might not be in the way he’s supposed to. He swallows trying to force down his doubts and continues.

“But I-I don’t want to fuck her” He says a bit quieter. The words don’t want to come out. He’s started lightly shaking and there’s a little bit of hesitation and uncertainty along with each word.

“Richie it’s a joke we all know that you don’t-” Bev starts, the confusion clear on her face. She doesn’t understand yet. Richie knows that it’s now or never and he cuts her off.

“I- I don’t think I w-want to fuck any g-g-girls” he whispers as if there was anyone else around to hear. His voice is weak and scared and his subconscious fear is trying it’s hardest to keep him from saying it. But there it is. It’s out there. Out there for Bev to decide whether or not he’s disgusting. The brief moment of silence between them is deafening and those four little words are back again even louder than they were before. “_Queer. Fairy. Pervert. Faggot._ _Queer. Fairy. Pervert-”_ They get cut off by the sound of Bev speaking again.

“Oh Richie” Bev breaths out pulling him in for a hug. The feeling of her embrace. The warmth and safety she gives him is something Richie’s so unfamiliar with. He collapses into her and begins to sob. Richie’s getting tear stains on Bev’s shirt, but she doesn’t seem to mind. Eventually, he begins to choke out a few more words. The real words that he’s never been able to face.

“Bev I-I’m” Richie suddenly feels as if there’s a hand around his throat restricting him from saying the word. He can’t say it no matter how hard he tries. The word just seems to die in the back of his throat, blocked by his inner demons. “I’m g-g-g-” But he can’t do it. He can’t say it. So, he just collapses himself back into Bev’s embrace, sobbing.

“I know” she whispers trying her best to comfort him and to stop him from crying. “Now, you need to get a hold of yourself. You’re starting to sound like Bill” She jokes, trying to lighten the mood. This gets a small chuckle out of Richie and he smiles into her shoulder. Bev gets her own light smile on her face because she knows that little laugh if the first sign that he’s going to be ok.

After Richie has stopped crying again, he pulls away from Bev and looks her in the eyes. “You don’t hate me? You don’t think I’m disgusting?” Richie could see the Bev’s heart shattering behind her eyes.

“Richie of course not!” Bev insists “Don’t say stuff like that. I could never hate you!” Richie slightly smirks.

“Really? Never? Not even if I-” with a coy tone in his voice. He’s starting to become himself again. Bev cuts him off before he could finish his sentence.

“I don’t even want to know what how you’re going to finish that sentence” Bev says, exasperated. But really, she’s happy. She’s happy that Richie has started to joke around a little bit again. “But seriously, I could never hate you for something like this. And I’m sure the rest of the losers will agree.”

“Bev- I can’t tell them yet. I’m not ready”. Richie says because frankly the thought of telling anybody else made him sick. He only told Bev because he had to. He really hadn’t planned on telling anyone else. Ever. Well… maybe that wasn’t strictly true. There were some nights when he lay in bed and his mind drifted off to thoughts about telling Eddie. Telling Eddie how he feels. But those were just wild late-night thoughts. They would never actually happen. Right? Richie was pulled out of his thoughts by the sounds of Bev’s voice.

“That’s ok. You don’t have to be ready yet. Just know that they’ll be here for you when you are.” Richie smiles because maybe, just maybe, there are good people in the shithole of Derry. “But I need to listen to me. Richie, you are not disgusting. Being gay-” Richie shifts uncomfortably at the word. He still hated the way it sounded. “It’s not a bad thing. It’s not disgusting, and you shouldn’t think it is.” Bev said it with so much love, so much confidence that he started thinking that maybe- maybe she’s right. “Sure, there may be some backwards thinking people in this shithole, but you can’t focus on them.”

“It’s hard not to focus on them when they’re chasing me around calling me names trying to beat me up” Richie says, suddenly reminded of why he even came to the clubhouse this afternoon in the first place.

“Bowers is an asshole. He always has been, and he always will be. But he’s not right and you can’t listen to what he says.” Richie nods. He knows that she’s right. Of course she’s right, she’s Bev. Then Richie breaks into his first real, genuine smile since he set foot in the clubhouse this afternoon.

“Thank you” he says with such passion in his voice. Because he means it. He has never meant it more than in this very moment. Bev smiles.

“Anytime. I’m always here for you.” She says reassuringly. And Richie knows that she means it too.

They sit in silence for a little while, just enjoying each other’s presence. “How does he know anyway? Bev asks eventually.

“Bowers?” Richie asks and Bev nods in response. “A little while back he saw me playing Street Fighter in the arcade with this boy.”

“A boy huh?” Bev teases and Richie shoves her and feels his face flush ever so slightly.

“Shut up” he says back rolling his eyes and trying to sound annoyed. But he doesn’t really mean it because it feels so _good_ so _freeing_ to hear Bev tease him like this. Because it makes him feel like maybe this is normal and that maybe, someday, he will actually be alright. “Anyway, apparently I was being a bit too eager, too obvious and Bowers walked in and saw me”

“Aw Rich, timing can be a bitch sometimes” Bev says sympathetically and Richie nods.

“That’s not even the worst part though” he says, and Bev looks at him, confused. “That boy… he was Bowers’ cousin. And Bowers made it very clear how much he did _not_ like that.” Bev looks at him with sadness in her eyes. “He chased me out of the arcade calling me names and threatening to kill me; and now, every time he sees me, he decides to keep making my life a living hell” Bev lightly sighs.

“I’m sorry” she says and Richie shrugs.

“Fuck life sometimes, right?” he says, not allowing himself to fall back into the pit that thinking about Bowers puts him in. Bev smiles back at him.

“Yeah. Fuck life”

Soon, they are able to fall back into their regular banter and it all feels so normal. Nobody would even be able to tell that Richie had just told Bev his deepest, darkest secret. But maybe it wasn’t so deep and dark anymore. Richie was deep in thought when Bev seemed to ask him out of the blue. “So, are there any guys you like”. He felt like he got whiplash and stares at Bev with wide eyes. She blushes slightly and ducks her head “sorry” she says, and Richie shakes his head.

“Are you aware of how much you sound like every other teenage girl right now?” Richie asks her and she just shrugs.

“So what? I want to know. But that didn’t sound like an answer to me” Richie rolls his eyes. Bev was always so determined. “I’ll take your avoidance as a yes”. Richie blushes a deep red and groans, burying his head in his hands. Bev smiles at his reaction. She’s catching onto him. Because of course there’s someone. Eddie. With his stupid medication and stupidly kissable face and stupidly tight red bike shorts. I mean why _wouldn’t _Richie fall for him. Thinking about it only made Richie bury his head further down into his arms. “Sooo who is it?” Bev asks and Richie only shakes his head.

“Could you get any more stereotypical?” Richie accuses in another attempt to try and change the subject and to take the focus off himself. He knows it will never work; Bev knows that she’s onto something big. She only rolls her eyes in response then gets a big smirk on her face.

“Eddie?” she asks, and Richie feels like he just got whiplash for the second time in the past few minutes.

“What? No! Where did you get that idea?!” Richie exclaims shooting up to stare at Bev incredulously. But the slight falter in his voice gives him away. Because he wasn’t prepared to have to lie so suddenly. Bev rolls her eyes at him and gives him this look that feels like she’s staring directly into his soul. Richie knows he won’t be able to convincingly lie his way out of this. He sighs and looks down, meddling with the hem of his shirt. “Well, fine, maybe a little” and Bev breaks into a big smile.

“Richie! That’s great!” she exclaims “Who knew that Richie trashmouth Tozier was such a sucker for nerdy hypochondriacs”. Richie rolls his eyes and lightly shoves her.

“Shut up” he mumbles but he can’t dispute it, he knows it’s true. Then, he thinks for a moment, how did Bev know it was Eddie. She was the one who guessed it in the first place. His confusion obviously shows on his face.

“What’s wrong?” she asks

“Uh Bev- how did you know it was Eddie?” he asked curiously. She seems to think about it for a moment before replying.

“Well who else would it be? You’re basically obsessed with him” Richie is taken aback. He thinks about it for a moment, all the times he stays behind with Eddie after hanging out with the losers instead of going home. All the times he sneaks in through Eddie’s bedroom window in the middle of the night. All those times he purposely refused to get out of the hammock just so Eddie would get in with him. Maybe he wasn’t as subtle as he thought he was. Then it dawned on him.

“Wait shit- do you think Eddie knows?” The possibility of it felt like a massive weight had fallen onto him. Was Eddie just pretending to enjoy his presence? Did Eddie actually think he was just some weird obsessed loser? But wait- why didn’t Bev seem worried.

“If he does, I don’t think he minds” she says with a smile.

“Wait, what?” he demands, confused. Surely Bev isn’t saying what he thinks she’s saying. There’s no way Eddie would ever like him back. Things like never happen to Richie. It doesn’t take Richie very long to remember that he’s a boy and Eddie’s a boy and Eddie can’t just like him back without it meaning… “How do you even know he’s- y’know?” Bev smiles and lightly shakes her head.

“Because it’s obvious how much he adores you” she says “When you’re in the room he stares at you like you’re the centre of his universe. It’s like nothing else matters to him when you’re there. People don’t look at each other like that when they only see each other as a friend.” Does Eddie really? Richie’s always been so focused on himself and how he feels that he never even properly considered the fact that Eddie might actually like him back. In real life. Not just in his dreams.

“Well then he must have terrible taste falling for a trash mouth like me.” He jokes trying to pull himself back to reality. Bev lets out a light laugh and rolls her eyes. Then she looks Richie dead in the eyes. 

“But seriously, you should go for it” Richie can tell she’s being serious. But the thought of it just seems so farfetched.

“Bev I-” he starts preparing to refuse. To tell her that it’s a crazy idea and that he can’t just ‘go for it’. But Bev doesn’t want to hear it.

“No, I don’t want to hear whatever bullshit excuse you’re about to come up with. I want you to be happy. I want him to be happy. I know you can do it. You’ve been so brave this afternoon, what’s one more confession?” Bev’s right, Richie knows it. Bev would never purposely try and hurt him. God, what if she’s right too? What if Eddie really does like him back. Richie doesn’t even know what he’d do. After thinking about it he decides that he has to try. This is the chance of a lifetime and he knows that he’ll never be able to recreate the feelings of confidence and hope Bev has given him today.

“I’m going to do it” he announces standing up. Bev smiles as bright as the sun. Sure, he’s terrified. He’s absolutely scared shitless, but he tries not to let that show on his face.

“I’m so proud of you” Bev says, standing up with him. Richie can tell she means it. What Bev has done for him this afternoon is something he will never be able to repay her for. He pulls her in for a hug.

“Thank you, for everything” he says, hoping she could hear how genuinely he means it, before walking over to the ladder out of the clubhouse. He looks back over his shoulder to Bev and sees her smiling with pride. “But just know, if this goes wrong, I’m blaming you.” Bev laughs and rolls her eyes.

“Fine, fine” she says putting her hands in the air in defence. “If I’m wrong you can blame me”. Richie climbs out of the clubhouse into the blinding sunlight. His heart is pounding, his hands are sweaty, but he takes a deep breath and sets out in the direction of Eddie’s house. If Richie had stayed back a little longer, he might have been able to hear Bev whisper to herself “Go get him Richie.”

______

On his way to Eddie’s house Richie realises that he still has blood on his face. He makes a quick stop off at the Barrens to clean his face with the dirty water. After washing the dry blood off is face he sees himself in the reflection. “You can do this” he says with a deep breath “Eddie’s not gonna hate you”. He forces himself to stand back up and starts walking towards Eddie’s. Eventually he sees the house in the distance and knows that there’s no way he’s facing Sonia Kaspbrak. He goes around the back of the house to Eddie’s window. After one final deep breath he knocks on the window pane and pops his head up so that Eddie can see him. He sees Eddie jump, obviously startled, then a big eye roll as he puts down his comic book and walks over to the window to let Richie in. Eddie unlocks the window and pulls it open wide enough for Richie to climb through. Richie jumps up and makes a less than graceful attempt to climb in. He’s gotten half his body through the window frame before realising that there’s no way he’s not going to fall out the other side. He’s not as good at this as he used to be. After a bit of squirming to try and manoeuvre himself in a way so that he doesn’t just fall directly on his head he slides through and makes a loud thump when he lands on Eddie’s floor.

“Everything alright in there, sweetie?” calls a voice from down the hall. She must have heard the thump of Richie falling onto the floor.

“Uh yeah- everything’s fine” Eddie calls back before giving Richie a look of annoyance. Eddie puts his finger to his lips to tell Richie to be quiet and he makes his way across the room to turn on some music. Soon the voice of Phil Collins croons from Eddie’s stereo. “There, now we can talk” he says turning back to Richie. 

“What if I wanted her to hear us? I need my quality Sonia Kaspbrak time!” Richie teases instinctively. Eddie shoves him, obviously not amused.

“Shut up. What are you even doing here?” he asks, and Richie suddenly realises that he doesn’t have a plan. He really should have thought of an excuse before knocking on the window. He was such an idiot. He tries to play it cool.

“I just wanted to pop in to see my best pal Eddie Spaghetti” he teases, knowing it would get a rise out of Eddie.

“I told you not to call me that” he retorts, but it’s obvious he doesn’t really mind. “But seriously why are you here?” Richie tries to deflect again.

“Can’t a guy just see his friend without having a reason?” he says with a nervous laugh. His façade of pretending to not care was cracking with every word. Eddie looked at him suspiciously.

“Are you okay?” he asked cautiously obviously not knowing what to do. The nerves were really starting to get to Richie. He was in too far to back out now. Eddie knew he was nervous about something. This was so out of character for Richie he was usually so in control of his emotions. At least, that’s what he pretended. He was always able to just put on a brave face and pretend that he was fine. The only person who could ever really break him was Eddie. Which was why Eddie deserved to know the truth.

“Um not really… there was actually something I needed to tell you about” he eventually forced out. Eddie looks at him, the worry clear in his eyes. “So, I had a talk with Bev earlier this afternoon” he starts, but he couldn’t focus. His mind was drifting off into all of the millions of ways this could go wrong.

“And?” Eddie prods

“and she made me realise I need to tell you something” Richie says still unable to get the words out. What if Bev was wrong. What if he really didn’t know how Eddie was going to react at all. He begins trying to backtrack “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come here. This was such a bad idea. I’m sorry for wasting your time” he says with a nervous laugh. He starts to back out of the room towards the window, his heart beating out of his chest.

“Richie please?” Eddie begs. The look on his face, it made Richie feel so guilty. He can’t just leave Eddie like this, alone and desperate in his room.

“I don’t want you to hate me” he says quietly. Because it’s true. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if Eddie hated him. He shouldn’t have even come here. He can’t believe he let Bev talk him into this. He should have just been fine with just being friends. Friends is so much better than having Eddie hate him.

“Richie-” Eddie says softly, and Richie can’t take it anymore. That face, that voice, just everything.

“I like you ok. As in _like you _like you” he blurts out. He can’t believe he just said that. It’s out there Eddie _knows_. He can’t take it back now. He stares at the floor; he can’t look Eddie in the face right now.

“So you’re-” Eddie starts and Richie nods, knowing exactly what Eddie’s about to say “and you like-” he says not even attempting to finish his own sentence. Richie gulps down the lump rising in his throat and flicks his eyes up to look at Eddie. Eddie’s just standing there his mouth hanging slightly open. This was nothing like when he told Bev. Bev at least _said_ something. “_Oh god”_ Richie thought “_this is it. Eddie thinks I’m a disgusting prevent and never wants to talk to me again. Oh god. Fuck. Fuck me why did I do this.” _He quickly tries to blink away the tears he can feel welling up in his eyes. This is what rejection feels like. It’s awful.

“See I told you that you’d hate me” he says quietly, his voice quivering with fear. He can’t take being in this room anymore. He turns towards the window, fully prepared to dive out of it and never return. He just needs to be alone right now. Suddenly, he feels a hand grab onto his wrist and pull him back around.

“Richie, I don’t hate you” Eddie says with a light laugh. “That would be pretty hypocritical of me” is he saying what Richie thinks he’s saying? There’s no way.

“Eddie what-” he starts, and Eddie rolls his eyes. He feels the brush of Eddie’s hand on his cheek and sees him come in close.

“I like you too, dumbass” he laughs. And then it happens. Eddie, the anxiety-ridden hypochondriac takes charge and pulls Richie in for a kiss. Richie feels like electricity has shot through his body and suddenly he’s flying. Flying away from Derry, away from all his problems, and he exists in a moment of pure bliss. The kiss only lasts a few seconds but to Richie it feels like years. They both pull away until their foreheads are resting against each other, not willing to lose this little bubble of bliss they have claimed as their own. Richie, with an unstoppable smile giggles out the words “I guess I have to thank Bev now.” She was right. Of course she was.

“Yeah, you definitely should” Eddie says breathlessly with a matching smile on his face before pulling Richie back in for another kiss.

______

Later that week Richie and Eddie finally get Bev alone. “Anything to announce?” she asks with a smile. Eddie looks down, blushing and smiling. Instead of saying anything Richie just reaches his arm out and takes Eddie’s hand in his own. Bev lets out a squeal and lunges forwards, engulfing both of them in a hug. “I’m so happy for you both, I knew you’d do it eventually!”

“What’s that supposed to mean!” Richie exclaims and Bev shrugs suspiciously.

“Eddie mayyy have told me about liking you a little while back” she says guiltily and Eddie blushes deeper turning away from Richie. Richie’s mouth drops open.

“He _told_ you and you didn’t tell me this?!” Richie cries out, dropping Eddie’s hand. “Do you know how much stress you could have saved me?” If he had known for sure that Eddie liked him back it could’ve saved him from so much awkward nervousness at Eddie’s. Saved him from so much self-doubt. Bev looks down sheepishly.

“I wanted it to be organic” she says in response. Richie lets out an exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes. 

“I can’t believe you” he says. But really, even with all the extra stress and nerves she caused him. At least the moment was real. Special. He would never tell Bev this, of course. He couldn’t give her the satisfaction. At least now he may finally be on the road to finding happiness. He feels hope for his future again; and maybe, just maybe, those dreams of running off into the sunset with Eddie out of Derry weren’t so crazy after all. 


End file.
